well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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