tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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