Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
