I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
