Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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