I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
