I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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