You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
