I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
