you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
