Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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