I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
