just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
