That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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