Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
