I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my vagina is haunted
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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