Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have post one night stand depression
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
