So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
