Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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