I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize