Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
