Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
