If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to stop coming to work sober
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
