i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need a beard to bite.
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