haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
