i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
