I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
