If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
