I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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