I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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