I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
