I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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