this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
