In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
