I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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