Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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