the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
