I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
