there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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