Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
