when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
