Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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