Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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