as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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