my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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