I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
