im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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