Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
