I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
