so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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