I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
