sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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