The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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