zippers are such a cool invention
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
