I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
