They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
