whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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