pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
