y did u give ur computer a hand job?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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