I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
