Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
