So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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