I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
