I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
