I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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