remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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