first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
