today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
