I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
