So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
