I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
