It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
