I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
