3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
