I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
