its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
